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You've already learned how to weed through women’s profiles, but after reading that article, it became clear to me that men need to understand how to make their own profile stand out from the crowd. As a woman who dated online for years and now has her own business in the field,A Little Nudge, I know what other women want. I’ll break it into three categories: photos, profiles and emails.
Photos
No. 1: The number of photos
Match.com lets you put a whopping 26 pictures in your profile. The key here is that just because they allow for that many doesn’t mean you need to use all the space. This is online dating, not a Facebook album, so three to six pictures is plenty. Just as a woman is only as attractive as her worst picture (being a woman, the same may be true for men). Put your best pictures out there — as long as they are accurate. Two great photos win over four or more mediocre photos any day. Women will look for the one bad one and decide not to email you because of it.
No. 2: What to put in the pictures
I see so many pictures of men with their buddies. Why? You are already being compared to all of the other profiles on whatever dating site you’re using, so why let someone compare you in your very own profile picture? Have you ever looked at a girl’s profile and thought to yourself, “Well, she’s cute, but her friend in the pic is cuter. Man, I wish I could meet her instead.” Women do that too. So, start cropping! Also, pictures of scenery to show your “lifestyle” or last vacation should be saved for facebook. We want to see you — period.
No. 3: Accuracy
Getting in front of someone after you’ve posted inaccurate pictures won’t win her over; it will drive her away.
No. 4: The “interesting” pictures
The last picture you post should be your “interesting” picture. This is my secret. Now that we think you’re good-looking, we need something to help us start a conversation. Posting a picture of you skydiving, being a volunteer firefighter, posing with your dog — these are what make you different and give us something to ask about if we email you.
Profile Rules
No. 1: Set Yourself ApartI’m sure we’ve all seen the “I love music and traveling, and I love to laugh” profiles. Most people I know enjoy those things. But I don’t know a lot of people who have lived in eight states in the U.S., enjoy taking improv comedy classes and took three weeks off from work once to see if he found his calling in bird-watching. (The answer was no.)
These are the things we want to know — the things that make you quirky and unique.
What we don’t want to see is: “I like to work hard and I like to play hard.” Does anyone really know what this means? Does this tell us anything about who you really are?
What kind of intro would make you keep reading? That's next...
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No. 2: Have a bold intro that makes us want to read the rest
Below are actual intros from profiles from Match.com. Would you keep reading? I wouldn't.
- Yes, I am single. I am throwing it out there. (Really? I wasn’t sure)
- For the past few years, I’ve lived under the assumption that I’d meet someone in my normal circles of work, friends and activities. (We all did. Doesn’t tell us anything.)
- So, I have never done this online-dating thing before, and I’m still on the fence about how I feel about it. (Why would anyone want to keep reading if they already see your skepticism?)
- I work a lot, and I don’t really have too many opportunities to meet new people. (That’s the first thing you want to tell someone? You’re basically saying that youmay not have time for someone else. It’s OK that you work a lot, but don’t lead with it.)
- I enjoy life and like to have fun. (Me, too! Surprising!)
Here are some good ones that start out in an intriguing way:
- I'm vertically challenged. There, I said it. Glad I got that out of the way. (Makes light of the fact that he’s short and shows a sense of humor.)
- Pick me, pick me! As a teacher, this phrase is all too familiar. (Very cute.)
- I like extra-salted buttered popcorn and malt balls at the movies. (So off-the-beaten path.)
No. 3 - The “just right” length
Profiles that are too short don’t say enough, and too-long profiles get to be a nuisance to read. Give your profile a read and think to yourself, “Would I want to hear more?” or “Would I pass over me because it’s daunting to read the novel I’ve written?” If the answer to the latter is yes, adjust accordingly.
No. 4 - Ask questions
Who doesn’t like to be asked questions? Whether it’s rhetorical or an actual question (“Any suggestions for new restaurants in town?”), it gives women an “in” to to start a conversation.
Emails
Make your correspondence very short, as light as possible and end it with a question. Be sure to refer to something in her profile and something about yourself, and you’re good to go.
And remember, no response does not equal rejection. (I wrote a wholeblog post about this topic alone.) In the end, it’s a numbers game — the more emails you send, the more responses you’ll get. And please don’t think that if a girl sends you an email, she’s desperate. Quite the opposite: She’s proactive.
I encourage everyone to send emails — men and women. Why not take control of your love life? I emailed my boyfriend first, and we’ve been together for almost two years.
So get online and have fun!
Erika Ettin is the founder of A Little Nudge, which helps people find online-dating success. “Like” A Little Nudge on Facebook, or read Erika’s blog for more information and for fun and useful dating advice.
Want to connect with Erika? Join her mailing list for tips and updates here.
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